In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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