i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
