She's like a pop up book from hell.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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