he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
