i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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