Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
