i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
