Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
