8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
