After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
