drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
