Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
