Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
