Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
