Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
