I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
