I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
