Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
