Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
