bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
