theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
