i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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