what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
