is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
