maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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