I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
