If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
