Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
