Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
