I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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