im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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