Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
