if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
