She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
