I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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