This is not my ceiling
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
