Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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