When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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