I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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