I need help removing her.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
