The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
