bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
