what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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