I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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