how can u be prego again
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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