I'm going to rape someone's good day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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