i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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