is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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