you guys were way drunker than both of me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
