I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
