I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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