I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
