Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
