apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
