My nipple is on Facebook.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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