seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
