Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
