You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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