I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do herpes really smell.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
