Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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