how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
