Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
