I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
