i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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