I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
