You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
