he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is my gift to your gina
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
