anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
