I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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