This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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